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Myth or Truth: Santa Claus

by Eddie Rayner
Myth or Truth - Santa

Is Santa Claus real? Why do people keep asking that question! Even the North American Aerospace Defence Command (NORAD), which was set up to track Soviet ICBM missiles, and now monitors human-made objects in space, follow Santa when Christmas Day approaches. I’ve seen the radar images of him moving towards my house from the direction of the North Pole. Check it out yourself at www.noradsanta.org.

Despite this, certain people still claim that Santa is a myth. Well, it’s time to clear this silly and outdated viewpoint up once and for all! Let’s look at a few of the objections people make, and then answer those objections with incontrovertible truth to the contrary.

Myth or Truth - Santa

There is no such thing as an elf
This is easily disproved by examining the screws that go into the battery compartments of certain children’s toys: only elves could have fingers small enough to use the tiny screwdrivers required. Ask any parent for confirmation of this fact.

Reindeers can’t fly
There are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, flying reindeer cannot be totally ruled out. But we don’t even need to rely on biology to sort this problem out: everyone knows that Santa’s reindeer were given the power of flight through eating magic acorns.

Santa can’t possibly visit all of the good children in the world in a single night
Larry Silverberg at North Carolina State University has considered this conundrum at length and suggests that Santa Claus exploits features of the theory of relativity, which was discovered at the North Pole by Sugarplum Mary over 200 years before Einstein came up with the idea. A clock in Santa’s moving sleigh, for instance, will tick more slowly relative to clocks in homes he has to visit. Silverberg goes on to say that the GPS on the dashboard of the sleigh is holographic, and displays optimal navigational maps, a nano-toymaker and the children’s gift lists. The sleigh also has two drink holders.

The theory of relativity was discovered at the North Pole by Sugarplum Mary over 200 years before Einstein

Santa’s sleigh just isn’t big enough to carry so many toys
It doesn’t have to be. Nano-toymakers produce the countless toys atom by atom, from soot, sand, snow and other substances collected along the way – a little like 3D printing.

Surely you’re not saying that Santa delivers every single present personally?
Who do you think does it then? Parents! I can’t imagine all of the world’s parents staying up all night pretending they are someone they are not – that’s statistically very improbable. It’s Santa; it stands to reason, not millions of parents in fancy dress! Anyway, we all know that adults don’t have time to make or get all those presents, let alone have enough money to buy them. 

This is just a modern phenomenon
Not so. On 21 September 1897, The New York Sun newspaper answered a question from a little girl, Virginia O’Hanlon, who said that some of her friends were claiming that there is no Santa Claus: ‘Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.’ And it must be true if it was in The New York Sun!

Everyone knows that Santa’s reindeer were given the power of flight through eating magic acorns

There’s just no proof for Santa
As we’ve already seen, that’s an entirely false assumption. There’s evidence everywhere you look. What about Rudolph’s nose? This is a vital clue to the existence of Santa, and centres around friction heating, which is consistent with the demands of high-speed flight – hence the glowing nose.

The Magic of the Season
Any court of law anywhere in the world would uphold the existence of Santa Claus. There is just too much empirical evidence to do otherwise. He is the supreme gift-giver. It’s not possible to imagine a better gift-giver. And even if there were one, we would all have heard of him … and we haven’t. So Santa is real. And if someone ever says to you that Santa isn’t real, ask them to prove it! They can’t!

I hope this helps.

Alabaster Snowball
Administrator of the Naughty and Nice List